It is not easy to draw the line of good taste when it comes to potty humor. People classify most any joke involving scatology (jokes about bodily functions) as toilet humor. We narrowed the range of jokes here to those that actually involve the toilet or some facsimile thereof. The jokes collected here were culled from various places around the net.
I Saw the Light
An 80-year-old man went for his annual checkup, and the doctor said, "Friend, for your age you're in the best shape I've seen."
The old feller replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. I know I live a good, clean, spiritual life."
The doctor asked, "What makes you say that?"
The old man replied, "If I didn't live a good, clean life, the Lord wouldn't turn the bathroom light on for me every time I get up in the middle of the night."
The doc was concerned. "You mean when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord himself turns on the light for you?"
"Yep," the old man said.
The doctor didn't say anything else, but when the old man's wife came in for her check up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said.
"Your husband's in fine physical shape," the doctor said, "but I'm worried about his mental condition. He told me that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him."
"Aha!!!" she exclaimed. "So HE'S the one who's been peeing in the refrigerator!"
The Golden ToiletAnother case of mistaken identity.
There was this guy, let's call him Bob. One night Bob went to about 5 bars. He consumed too many beers. After a while, like any normally functioning human being, he really had to go. So he asked the bartender where the bathroom was, and he went to where he thought it was. Later that night, Bob was laying in bed trying to go to sleep. In his befuddled mind, he thought, "wait a minute...there was a golden toilet!!" Right then he jumped out of bed and went to find the special toilet. He began to revisit the 5 bars. At the first one he asked where the bathroom was. When he went to look, there was no golden toilet. This continued until he got to the last bar. By then he was exhausted. Rather than looking for the toilet himself, he asked the bartender, "Do you, by any chance, have a golden toilet here?" The bartender said to the bouncer, "Hey! I think I found the guy who went to the bathroom in the tuba!!!"
Do Not Read If You Are a Cat Lover!
This note was found attached to the toilet:
READ VERY CAREFULLY! Instructions on how to clean your toilet:
- Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
- Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
- In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.
- The cat will self-agitate. You may need to stand on the lid and give the cat time to make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
- Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
- Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
- Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
- The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
- Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Not For Fish Lovers
My wife asked my to check up on her fish when she went shopping for the day. While out and about she called and asked how the sick one appeared. I had to tell her the truth, "He's a little Flushed".
A "true" story from the author.
What do you call an Igloo without a toilet ? An Ig!
I'm not sure what it is, but a lot of the toilet humor I found on the web involves animals, or perhaps that is the humor that appealed to me. Toilet humor is a very personal thing. Yet it spans all ages and social classes. It involves a topic that is universal to humanity. It is, by nature, a very low form of humor, but it can still draw at least a wry smile from the polite aesthete (if an aesthete with a sense of humor can be found).
One of the marks of the importance of an object is the number of terms, including slang that are used to make reference to it. For toilet we have, potty, throne, water closet, porcelain goddess, seat of ease, crapper, thunderbox, the can. Of course, some of these may have come about to avoid the discomfort of making direct reference to the earthy object itself. Others may have come about because a scatological reference seemed humorous. I have left out the more crude references.